sebelum dan sesudah

Sebelum Menikah :

Suami : Akhirnya! Aku sudah tidak bisa menunggu lebih lama lagi !!
Istri : Apakah kau ingin aku pergi ?
Suami : Tidak! Aku bahkan tidak pernah berpikir begitu.
Istri : Apakah kau mencintaiku ?
Suami : Tentu saja! Selalu dan selamanya.
Istri : Apakah kau berbohong padaku ?
Suami : Tidak! Kenapa kau bertanya begitu ?
Istri : Maukah menciumku ?
Suami : Setiap aku punya kesempatan !
Istri : Akankah kau memukulku ?
Suami : Tentu saja tidak ! Mana mungkin ?
Istri : Bisakah aku mempercayaimu ?
Suami : Ya.
Istri : Sayangku!

Setelah Menikah :
Baca dari bawah ke atas.

WKWKWKKWK

Seorang gadis muda yang cantik (Citra) nampak depresi berat ketika berada di ruang tunggu psikolog (Dr. Joko).Ketika giliran dia konsultasi, dia mulai bercerita:
Citra : "Pacar saya memang keparat.... gue benci dia!"

Dr. Joko : "Memangnya apa yang dia lakukan padamu?"

Citra : "dia menggandeng tangan saya."

Dr. Joko : "seperti ini?"Kemudian Dr. Joko meraih tangan si gadis dan menggandengnya dgn penuh kehangatan.

Citra : "Betul, seperti itu."

Dr. Joko : "Sayang, itu artinya pacarmu perhatian sama kamu."

Citra : "Tetapi dia juga berani peluk-peluk saya!"

Dr. Joko : "Seperti ini?"Dr. Joko memeluk Citra dari belakang dengan mesra.

Citra : "Betul seperti itu."

Dr. Joko : "Itu tandanya dia sayang sama kamu."

Citra : "Tetapi dia berani cium bibir saya!"

Dr. Joko : "Seperti ini?"Dr. Joko memberikan ciuman panas kepada Citra.

Citra : "Betul...... .. tetapi dia tetap saja seorang keparat! seorang bajingan! sebab dia berani meraba-raba dada saya Dok!"

Dr. Joko : "Seperti ini?"Dr. Joko meraba-raba dada Citra.

Citra : "Benar! Itu bukti dia keparat kan??? Dia juga bahkan berani mengajak saya bercinta tanpa pengaman dan berani "keluar" di dalam saya!"

Dr. Joko : "Begini?"Dr. "Joko pun mengajak Citra bercinta di ruang prakteknya, dengan penuh nafsu dan gairah dan berulang-ulang, dan seperti gambaran Citra, tanpa pengaman dan "keluar" di dalam."

Citra : "..... benar..... mirip seperti itu..... dia benar-benar bajingan.... keparat sejati...."Citra pun menangis.... .

Dr. Joko : "Sayang.... itu tanda bahwa kamu punya daya tarik sexual yang tinggi, sehingga dia tidak dapat menahan diri untuk mengajakmu bercinta, lihatlah sisi positifnya, dia berarti sangat mencintaimu, sex juga bagian dari cinta."

Citra : "Yang terakhir Dok...., setelah bercinta, pacar saya mengatakan bahwa dia mengidap AIDS"

Dr. Joko : "Apaa??????? ??? Bajingan!!!! Keparattt!!! Pacarmu benar-benar keparat!!!!! !!!!! Bangsat!!!!! !! Bangsaaatttt! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!"

SALUT...buat sang cowok!!!

Sang Wanita: "Aku sudah sering dipeluk cowo lain"
Pria dengan hangatnya menjawab: "Dan aku adalah pria yang akan memelukmu dengan kasih"

Sang Wanita: "U R not my FIRST kiss"
Pria dengan senyumannya: " And U R my First Kiss "

Sang Wanita: "Beberapa cowo pernah menjamah tubuhku"
Pria dengan sabarnya mengatakan: "Yang inginku jamah adalah hatimu, rasamu"
Sang Wanita: "Pernah ada cowo yang melihatku naked"
Pria itu menatapnya: "Dan aku melihatmu begitu polos, suci bersih tak bernoda"

Sang Wanita: "Aku pernah petting dengan mantanku"
Pria itu memeluknya dengan sabar: "Dan aku tahu, kau tak kan seperti itu lagi"

Sang Wanita menangis, terenyuh, dan berkata:
"Aku gakkan pernah pantas untukmu!! aku udah ga perawan!!"
Pria itu, menatapnya dalam, memeluknya, tersenyum dan berkata:
"Aku bukan mencintai keperawananmu, yang aku cintai adalah dirimu, sepenuhnya,..."

sumber :http://ujung-bumi.blogspot.com/2010/08/percakapan-pasangan-cowok-perjaka-dan.html

Singkatan dlm bahasa inggris dunia maya

2DFM = Too dumb for me
2H2H = Too hot to handle
2L8    = Too late
2U2  = To you too
411 = Information or gossip
4GM = Forgive me
4RL?  = For real?
A+ = Friendship
AAMOF = As a matter of fact
AAYF = As always, your friend
AFAICT = As far as I can tell
AFAIK = As far as I know
AFK = Away from keyboard
AIUI = As I understand it
AKA = Also known as
AOMM = Always on my mind
ASAP = As soon as possible
ASL = Age, sex, location?
ASLP = Age, sex, location, picture?
ATM = At the moment
ATSL = Along the same line
ATYS = Anything you say
AWA = As well as
AWOL = Absent while online
B4 = Before
B4N = Bye for now
BAC = Back at computer
BAK = Back at keyboard
BBIAB = Be back in a bit
BBL = Be back later
BBS = Be back soon
BCNU = Be seein' you
BD = Big deal
BFD = Big freakin' deal
BF = Boyfriend
BFF = Best friends forever
BFFM = Best friends forevermore
BFN = Bye for now
BC = Be cool
B/C = Because
BCNU = Be seein' you
BIL = Brother in law
BION = Believe it or not
BLVMOT = Believe me on that
BME = Based on my experience
BN = Bad news
BOL = Be on later
BOT = Back on topic
BOT  = Be on that
BRH = Be right here
BRB = Be right back
BRB = Bathroom break
BSTS = Better safe than sorry
BTA = But then again
BTDT = Been there, done that
BTW = By the way
BW = Be well
BWG = Big wide grin
BYTM = Better you than me
CMIIW = Correct me if I'm wrong
COB = Close of business
CRZ =
CTFU  = Cracking the f up
CU = See you
CUL = Catch you later
CUS = See you soon
CUL8R =  See you later
CULA = See you later alligator
cowoT = Complete waste of time
CYA = See ya
CYE = Check your e-mail
CYL = Catch ya lata
CYWW2BY See ya, wouldn't want to be ya
DAQ Dumb asked question
DBEYR Don't believe everything you read
DD Dear daughter
DH Dear husband
DHYB Don't hold your breath
DIIK Darned if I know
DIY Do it yourself
DL Down low
DL Download
DLO Down low
DP Dear partner
DQOTD Dumb question of the day
DQYDJ Don't quit your day job
DS Dear son
DT Dang Typos
DW Don't Worry
DYFI Did you find it?
EAK Eating at keyboard
EG Evil grin
EOD End of discussion
EOL End of lecture
EOR End of rant
F Female
F2F Face to face
FAQ Frequently Asked Questions
FCOL For crying out loud
FIL Father in law
FITB Fill in the blanks
FNB Football and beer
FO Far out
FO Freaking out
FOCL Falling off the chair laughing
FOFL Falling on the floor laughing
FTMP For the most part
FTR For the record
FUBAR Fouled up beyond all recognition
FUT Follow up to...
FWIW For what it's worth
FYA For your amusement
FYI For your information
G Grin
G2TU Got to tell you.
G4U Good for you
G2G Gotta go
GA Go ahead
GA Good afternoon
GAL Get a life
GAS Greetings and salutations
GBH Great Big Hug
GC Groovy Cat
GD&R Grinning, ducking, and running
GE Good evening
GF Girlfriend
GFN Gone for now
GG Good game
GGOGG Great gobs of goose grease
GI Good idea
GICBTS Gosh, I can't believe that stuff!
GICNBY Gosh, I cannot believe you!
GIWISI Gee, I wish I said it
GJ Good job
GL Good luck
GM Good morning
GM Good move/match
GMTA Great minds think alike
GN Good night
GOK God only knows
GOWI Get on with it
GOWM Go out with me
GR8 Great
GTG Got to go
GV Gave
GNV Given
GTRDUN Get 'er done
H Hug
HA Hello again
HB Hug back
H&K Hugs and Kisses
HAGD Have a good day
HAND Have a nice day
HCIT How cool is that
HF Have fun
HH Ha-ha
HH1/2KO Ha-ha, half kidding only
HHSF Ha-ha, so funny
HHVF Ha-ha, very funny
HO Hold on
H/O Hold on
HOAS Hold on a second
HTH Hope this helps
IAC In any case
IAE In any event
IAG It's all good
IAGW In a good way
IAW In accordance with
IAYF It's all your fault
IB2D I beg to differ
IC I see
IC In character
ICOCBW I could, of course, be wrong
IDGI I don't get it
IDK I don't know
IDNK I do not know
IDNDT I did not do that
IIRC If I remember correctly
IK I know
IKWUM I know what you mean
ILUB I love you baby
IMAO In my arrogant opinion
IME In my experience
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMHARO In my humble and respectful opinion
IMHBMAO In my humble but most accurate opinion
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IMO In my opinion
IMOT I'm on that
INRS It's not rocket science
IOW In other words
IRL In real life
IRT In reply to
IRSTBO It really sucks the big one
IS I'm sorry
ISO In search of
ISO Is seeking other
ISTM It seems to me
ISWYM I see what you mean
ITMT In the mean time
ITYM I think you mean
JLMK Just let me know
JMHO Just my humble opinion
J/K Just kidding
JOOC Just out of curiosity
J/P Just playing
JSYK Just so you know
JTLYK Just to let you know
K OK
KHYF Know how you feel
KIR Keepin' it real
KISS Keep it simple, stupid
KIT Keep in touch
KPTONDL Keep it on the down low
KWIM Know what I mean?
KYSOTI Keep your stick on the ice
L8 Late
L8R Later
LMK Let me know
LTR Long term relationship
LYK Let you know
LYL Love you lots
LYLAB Love you like a brother
LYLAS Love you like a sister / sibling
LMAO Laughing my a•• off
LMBO Laughing my butt off
LMFAO Laughing my freakin' a•• off
LMFBO Laughing my fat butt off
LOFL Laughing out freakin' lound
LOL Laugh out loud
LOL Lots of love
LOLOL Lots of laugh out louds
LTNS Long time, no see
LUM Love you man
LYMI Love you, mean it
M Male
M8 Mate, a.k.a. friend
MD@U Mad at you
MD@U4N Mad at you for now
ME2 Me too
MIL Mother in law
MMA Meet me at ...
MMAMP Meet me at my place
MOO My own opinion
MYOB Mind your own business
N And
N In
N2M Not too much
N8KD Naked
NBD No big deal
N/C Not cool
NE1 Anyone
NFIAH Never fear, I am here
NFW No freakin' way
NLT No later than
NM Nevermind
NM Not much
NMH Not much here
NMJC Nothing much, just chillin'
NNITO Not necessarily in that order
NO1 No one
NOMB? None of my business?
NOMBR? None of my business, right?
NOTTOMH Not off the top of my head
NOYB None of your business
NP No problem
NRN No reply necessary
NSISR Not sure if spelled right
N/T Nice try
NVM Nevermind
NW No way
OIC Oh, I see
OMG Oh my gosh
OMOHOD One minute, one hour, one day
ONNA Oh no, not again
OOC Out of character
OT Off topic
OT Other topic
OTOH On the other hand
PIMP Pee in my pants (w/ ROTFL)
PLD Played / well-played
PLZ Please
PLZRD Please read
POS Parent over shoulder
POS Piece of s•••
POS Power of suggestion
POV Point of view
PPL People
PYSIMPY Put yourself in my position
QT Cutie
RDNK Redneck
RESQ Rescue
RFC Request for comment
RHIP Rank hath its privileges
RL Real Life
ROF Rolling on the floor
ROFLMAO Rolling on floor, laughing my a•• off
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
ROTFLMBO Rolling on the floor, laughing my behind off
RP Role Play
RPG Role Playing Game
RT Real-time
RTFA Read the flippin' article
RTFM Read the flippin' manual
RTFS Read the flippin' source
RUB Are you back?
RW Real world
S2R Send to receive
S/B Should be
SCNR Sorry, could not resist
SFB S••• for brains
SK8 Skate
SIL Sister in law
SLY Still love you
SMH Shaking my head
SNAFU Situation normal, all fouled up
SO Significant other
SOB Son of a b••••
SOL S••• out of luck
SOS Someone Special
SOS Same old stuff
SOS Sibling over shoulder
SOSO Same old, same old
sp? Spelling?
SSDD Same stuff, different day
STPD Stupid
STHU Shut the heck up
STR8 Straight
STTH Speak to the hand
SUP What's up?
SUSFU Situation unchanged, all fouled up
SWALK Sweet, with all love, kisses
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
SWDYWTTA So what do you want to talk about?
SYSOP System Operator (chat monitor)
TAY Thinking about you
TBC To be continued
TBH To be honest
TC Take care
TC That's cool
TCO Taken care of
TCOB Takin' care of business
TCWB Take care, write back
TDTM Talk dirty to me
TFF Too freakin' funny
TGIF Thank goodness it's Friday
TITF That is too funny
TOH The other half
TOH Typing one-handed
THX Thanks
TNX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance
TIC Tongue in cheek
TLC Tender love and care
TMA Take my advice
TMI Too much information
TTBOMK To the best of my knowledge
TTFN Ta-ta for now
TTYL Talk to you later
TTYS Talk to you soon
TTYVS Talk to you very soon
TUT Totally unique thought
TWIMC To whom it may concern
TY Thank you
TYT Take your time
TYVM Thank you very much
U2 You too
UR You are
UR Your
UR2M You are too much
URSKTM You are so kind to me
VBG Very big grin
W/ With
W2F Way too funny
W8 Wait
W8AM Wait a minute
WADITWB We always did it that way before
WAEFRD When all else fails, read directions
WAYDRN What are you doing right now?
WAYDT What are you doing tonight?
WB Welcome back (chat)
WB Write back (e-mail)
WC Who cares
WDMB Will do my best
WDUW What do you want?
WE Whatever
W/E Whatever
WNDITWB We never did it this way before
W/O Without
WRT With Regard To
WTF What the f?
WTG Way to go!
WU What's up?
WWjadi What would Jesus do?
XOXOXO Hugs and kisses
Y Why?
YMBJ You must be joking
YMMV Your mileage may vary
YRG You are good!
YVW You're very welcome
YW You're welcome
>U! Screw you!
!= Not equal to
? Huh?
?4U Question for you